Self-love is not pink and soft and fluffy. It’s not blurred and gentle. It’s not rose coloured glasses and meditation and plates of cheese.

It’s actually a bit of a bitch. An educated, streetwise mother who doesn’t take no for an answer and gets shit done.

The internet is littered with self-love articles espousing glasses of wine, bubble baths and saying no. Yet we wonder why we’re drunk, wrinkly and have no social life.

We want to ring in sick, spend our savings on reckless impulse purchases and eat cheese strings for breakfast, lunch and dinner while watching reruns of Friends on Netflix.

Because in reality, we’re all just tall children. Running around aimlessly, making demands and throwing strops when things don’t go our way.

Difference is, now that we’re grown up, we don’t have anyone to tell us that we shouldn’t stay in our pyjamas all day without brushing our teeth. Or that it’s mean to call Janice a bitch.

Whether we like it or not, we’re in charge now.

The aggro boss, the toxic friends, the gym membership that’s not being used. The guy who treats you like shit, the parent who judges every decision you make, the therapist who leaves you feeling worse at the end of the session. These aren’t fuckups. They’re life.

But it’s still your life, so while it’s not your fault that shit situations happen, it’s still your responsibility to look after yourself enough to do the hard things.

Hard things like:

Saying no to your boss.

Quitting a job that sucks the life from you.

Going to see a therapist.

Paying your bills.

Prioritising your financial health.

Setting up a pension.

Putting yourself out there.

Asking for a raise.

Telling your sister you’re not available to babysit.

Cutting toxic friends out of your life even though they’ve been around forever.

Going to the dentist.

Calling in sick when you’re not feeling well.

Asking for help.

Believing in yourself.

Be the mother you never had

Because let’s face it, no one’s mother was perfect but if they were, what would they do?

Scold you when you need it.

Push you when you don’t believe in yourself.

Look after you when you’re stressed or ill.

Tell you they love you no matter what.

That’s what we need to do for ourselves. We’re being pushed and pulled in every direction, hardly taking the time to realise that we’re doing things we don’t want to. So we procrastinate, avoid, sleep more, drink more, fuck more, hide — none of which are ways to deal and are definitely not on the right vein for self-love.

Cut away the deadwood. And cut yourself some slack. You can’t control what others say and do, but you can dictate how you react. Respect yourself, love yourself enough to react in a way that honours you.

Originally published at https://shemakesmoneymove.com on January 1, 2021.